Parents in the Sudbury Model

The theme of next week's walk-and-talk is the role of parents in the Sudbury model. The theme is inspired by a brief discussion this weekend with a couple of parents who were themselves raised in a school with similarities to Sudbury schools.

Taking a broad view of human society, a main role of parents is to raise their kids from being fully dependent babies to being fully independent (or perhaps more accurately, interdependent) adults.

One challenge with this is to keep up with the astonishingly rapid development of children. After becoming habituated to providing everything to babies, parents must quickly learn new habits of care, and then new ones again, attempting to discard old behaviours as quickly as the child develops.

Focusing now on Sudbury-model families, the shift from total dependence to much independence happens early and quickly. 3-year-olds needing help can communicate their needs fairly well, and many 4-year-olds can navigate a whole school day, asking for help as necessary, able to speak up and articulate themselves when they feel they've been treated inappropriately by others.

Sudbury-model parents see their kids as able to fill their whole day with important, engaging activity. There is no need to suggest fun activities, or point out interesting things. It still happens - it's fun to share your observations and interests with your kid - but it's recognized as an act of connection, not a need for the kid's development.

For a parent, the process is a letting go. It can be scary. If I let go of my kid's hand, will she still want to walk beside me? Will he still say "watch this, watch this", or will he only think of me at mealtimes? Sudbury families tend to report that in fact joining a Sudbury school brings their family closer together. Trust, freedom and self-responsibility are a foundation for healthy and fulfilling family connection.

Parenting is a wonderful, generous act, and parents make a world of difference in the success of a Sudbury-model school.